The minute you saw that Detroit-shaped birthmark on the actor in one your favorite mature films “Out of Network, but In The Bedroom”, you knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jeremy the Bulge was indeed your long lost son, Izzy Flemmington. Also, of course you’ve never indulged in that film ever again. Izzy had gone missing ever since that fateful night when Dr.Tickler whisked him away upon his exit from your birth canal.  

You may be asked to say: 

“Silence everyone! Your leader is speaking. I am ashamed of my squabbling family’s behavior this evening. It is clear to me that none of you deserve to take the reigns of the Flemmington dynasty. That is why, after careful consideration, we will move in a new direction. I officially declare the American branch of my empire will go to my long-lost, bastard son… Izzy Flemmington.”